Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's top entertainers spent the evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, called the "golden visa," describing it as a clear pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins all he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial program which permits international citizens to purchase U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" version for $5 million. A government website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"A quick message for you to rich applicants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also designed to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, with large costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.